Looking for Relevance in all the Right Places!

I know many people who’ve exhausted themselves searching for a church. They just can’t find a church where they fit in. They don’t spiritually connect with anyone, including God. They don’t feel welcomed and accepted. They doubt they’d grow in their faith. They can’t see how to make a difference in someone else’s life or faith

Over and over I hear people searching for relevance – wanting some meaning in a relationship with a church community. And I know that feeling. 

I visit a lot of churches that claim to be “relevant,” but many churches simply don’t do it for me. Relevant to whom, I wonder? I didn’t get any spiritual nourishment out of the worship experience. I may have heard a lot of doctrine to act Christ-like, but I sure didn’t see a lot of Christ-like action toward others. I saw a lot of people who looked like me, but not like the community I drove through to visit that church.

But then I find some churches that really appeal to where I am spiritually. I connect with an emotion, a thought, a feeling of purpose. And if the diversity of their members is any indication, many others, who are not at all like me, feel the same way. What we each saw, heard, and felt rang true for us, personally – it was genuine. Their claim to be relevant was more than lip service; it was an authentic expression of knowing their customers.

Nobody but you knows what church environments, beliefs, experiences, and behaviors you will find personally meaningful. A church can’t be everything to everyone. But there are churches that seem to understand this better than others. I’ve found many churches where a wide variety of people find significance, and, typically, they offer some telltale experiences. Here’s what to look and listen for: 

Meaningful Music

Does the music you hear touch your heart or grate on your ears? If you’re not in the habit of listening to pipe organ classics on your radio or iPod, it will sound unfamiliar – and maybe even uncomfortable – when you hear it in church. Life-relevant worship music invokes the same feelings as great love songs, rock anthems, soulful blues classics, or the compassion, heartache, and despair of a country ballad. Certainly, given the right environment, new age music and Gregorian chants can invoke tranquility. 

Now, I’m not anti-pipe organ. I love a killer pipe organ tune when it’s creating a peaceful mood or a rousing inspiration. And, it’s not really a choice between contemporary and traditional worship music. Relevant churches are all along the spectrum. The difference is – does the music touch your emotions, or does it simply fulfill religious rituals.

 Real Discussions

Good conversations with strangers are hard to come by. “Hi.” – “Nice to see you.” -- “How ya’ doin’?” – “Have a nice day.” That’s the stuff of our encounters in casual conversation, because we’re reluctant to project ourselves into a stranger’s life – it’s too risky. Good advice is even harder to enlist. In fact, even if you ask for it, most strangers won’t offer you advice cold turkey – it’s too risky. As a result, our encounters aren’t very real – they aren’t very relevant to why we came to a church in the first place. But those real, deeper conversations are what a truly relevant church offers visitors.

There are three things that separate good advice from bad – listening, understanding, and telling. Relevant churches offer good advice because they know about you. They’ve listened carefully, and understand your struggles with money, relationships, health, work, and the injustices in our world. And they help you know that God knows and understands you. Does the preacher make you feel bad about all of the sins and ills of being human, or does he/she invite you into a discussion of what faith provides in a troubled world? Do small groups, Bible studies, and ministry discussions ring of separation from the “real world,” or do they offer real discussions about it? Do they isolate you from discussions of heavy faith issues, or do they incorporate you into those discussions? Relevant churches don’t tell you what to do or believe; they offer real discussions involving you, their community, and God.

Relationships that Resonate

There’s something to be said for a place that attracts a crowd, particularly an eclectic crowd. When I see people of all ages, stages, ethnicities, and socio-economic backgrounds, I know the church promotes and supports relationships that will resonate positively. You won’t get the over-the-top meet-everyone-here speed dating scene. You’ll be warmly invited to “Come on in; let’s get to know each other.”

Look around. Notice who finds a place within the church. Does it reflect the cultural and ethnic diversity of the surrounding community? Do the families include just the traditional two parents plus kids and a pet? Or does the church include the 51% of divorced American families? Or does it welcome the non-traditional lifestyle families? On another level, does the church form missional relationships with the most needy in their community? Or has the church closed itself off to new relationships entirely?

Relevant churches offer diverse communities, and they invest heavily in your relationships with others. You can find the church that truly speaks to your heart, makes sense to your life, inspires your faith, and connects you with God. Look for the signs, and then follow them to the right place for you.