Quit Using the "More Young Families" Excuse!

by Reba Collins

We’ve all heard it for years – for generations – pastors and church leaders excusing their church’s decline with, “We just need more young families."

OK, then what? If you believe that your church would become more vital if only it had more young families:

•  Does your church really know what today’s “young family” looks like?
• Can your church adapt its ministries to their cultural needs?
• Are you reaching out to them in ways they can relate to?

I find most “church” people have a very outdated image of the “young family.” Most overlook the fact that only 25% of families are made up of both biological parents and their biological children. That means 75% of young families in our country today are not the traditional family structure that used to fill our churches.

Today’s young family is messy and complicated. Picture this*:

• Half (50%) of American marriages end in divorce.
•  Fifteen percent of new marriages are interracial.
• Over 65% of couples live together before marriage. This includes people with children.
• One fourth (25%) of children live in a single-parent home.
• Sixty-three percent of births to women under age 30 occur outside of marriage.
• One in ten children lives with a parent who has never been married.
• One in five households has at least one child with special healthcare needs.
• The divorce rate for special needs parents is 80%.

Not exactly the picture of the Cleavers. More like The Brady Bunch gone wild – aka Modern Family. To be frank, today’s young families have a history of being divided, rejected, depleted, blended, and isolated. Can you see how going to a church might be the last thing on the hearts and minds of these young families?

These are cultural conditions that should cause our churches to pause and consider what it will take to engage with and serve these new kinds of families. Just saying that you accept them as they are is not enough. Intentionally ministering to them according to their needs is how vital churches adapt to these new cultural conditions. We must look to God for creative new ways to reach toward, care for, and love the messy people and complicated lives we are commissioned to serve.

If a church truly wants to become a place for young families, it has to ask some hard questions and implement some tough solutions. For example, consider what it will take to:

1.       Plant a deep love for Christ in the heart of a child who comes to Sunday school every other week because they go to live with the other parent on the alternate weekends? Is it realistic to expect a child to feel connected in the body of Christ in 26 hours over a year’s time? Probably not.

2.       Build a caring support system around the single working parent that has no weekday or weekend relief? Is preschool or daycare enough? Or is after school care and home care required? For these families, no support can be a major barrier for engaging in a church community.

3.       Model fatherhood to a teenage boy who never had a father? Is a weekend youth retreat going to make a difference? Is a class on teenage parenting going to change the trajectory of his life and his children’s lives? Slim chances on that one because he probably won’t show up for either.

4.       Create a community of worship for autistic families? Is the choir, hymn sings, electric guitar, or sermons going to be comfortable and engaging for these families? I can assure most likely they are not. 

This isn’t easy. A new contemporary worship style or in-house program isn’t going to attract, engage, heal, or serve most young families today. Because young families are messy and complicated, a church community can’t look to the past for answers.

The new young family isn’t a problem churches can solve; it’s a condition that’s here to stay. How will your church respond?

* Statistics compiled from Zombies, Football and the Gospel. Reggie Joiner, © 2012 Orange.