The Best Guest Question Ever

by Reba Collins

When I first started visiting churches for The Church Guide, I had a hard time figuring out how to learn more about the church by talking with an actual person. I always had the fear of being swamped by the hospitality tribe once my interest was known. 

It’s a fine line many of us first time guests face. We naturally want to know more about the community we are visiting, but we’re afraid of being outted to a happy-to-meet-you-and-let-me-introduce-you-around-as-my-morning-prize host who’s often lurking in a sea of seemingly nice people.

If you’re like me, you want to engage with people on your own terms. You want to be known but left alone until you’re ready to engage further. This is a perfectly understandable and reasonable expectation to have on a first visit.

After 50 or so visits, I finally came up with one question that makes it possible for me to control my level of interaction on the first visit. Now every time I visit a church, the first question I ask a person is: “So, how long have you been coming here?

Do you see what this question does? It focuses conversations anywhere but on you. It draws the other person into a conversation about themselves and their experiences with the church. Brilliant!

Best of all, you can learn a lot about the people, the leadership, the organization, and the spiritual life of a group through this one question.

I must warn you, though, it’s not fool-proof. On occasions, you’ll simply ask the right question to the wrong person – probably a member of the happy-to-meet-you-and-let-me-introduce-you-around-as-my-morning-prize tribe. If you do, just humor them politely and resolve to never go back.

I’ve reduced my risk of this scenario happening over time by developing these three “Guidelines for Asking the Best Guest Question:”

1.      Don’t ask this question to the first person who introduces himself or herself to you. There’s a reason they approached you – you’re new and they know it. The likelihood of them being part of the hospitality tribe is pretty high.

2.      Wait until you’re seated in the worship service, in a place you’d sit on a regular basis. Then ask the person sitting next to you. Most people sit in their comfort zones based on their personalities, interest levels, and spiritual natures. If someone is sitting in your comfort zone, then chances are they’re engaging in a similar way as you and their communication frequency will be more in tune with yours.

3.      If you’re offered an opportunity for a drive-by meet and greet of the pastor/church leadership after the service, take the opportunity, but don’t ask the question. Instead, wait for a less time-locked opportunity. But do ask the question to the church leadership when you get the chance.

Many first-time visitors simply slip in the back to get a feel for the church, and to avoid being put on the spot. Frankly, you might as well not visit if you don’t engage people with good questions. Even if you ask just one person how long they’ve been coming to the church you’re visiting, you’ll walk away knowing more than if you just came and went without talking with someone.

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The Church Guide Website has a number of tools and resources that will help you make your first contact more productive. Two that will give you immediate support are:

• Six Must-Ask First Visit Questions – To keep the conversation going in the right direction.  http://www.thechurchguide.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Six-First-Visit-Questions.pdf

• First Visit Impressions –To make the most of your first visit. http://www.thechurchguide.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/First-Visit-Impressions.pdf