Ladies’ Night Out

by Reba Collins and William Cowles

The urban core of Middletown, Ohio, isn’t very pretty. Lots of commercial blight, industrial vacancy, and living conditions that attract people whose lives aren’t pretty, either. Poverty, homelessness, unemployment, drugs, and prostitution are the norms here.

But, on one Saturday evening each year for the past two years, the women and girls of downtown Middletown have been able to put all that aside and appreciate themselves as God’s beautiful creations. It’s “Ladies’ Night Out” at The Gathering, a storefront United Methodist church with a huge heart for the neediest among us.

The Gathering is led by Pastor Carrie Jena, a saint who found her highest and best purpose serving the poor in downtown Middletown. In 2007, she began a worship service in the basement of a church. Six years later, that worship service became a new United Methodist church called The Gathering. The “Ladies Night Out” event was the brainchild of Jeri Lewis, a member of The Gathering who has a heart for mission and a desire to help women experience the unconditional love of God.

Pastor Carrie writes:

On Saturday evening (October 26), we held our 2nd annual "Ladies’ Night Out." Nearly 80 women from our community were invited to The Gathering to receive a free "slightly worn" formal dress, free hair and nail makeover, and a professional style portrait. Many of the women were from The Gathering, the Women's Center of Hope homeless shelter, and some were known prostitutes in the community.

More than a dozen men from Men's Hope House homeless shelter and The Gathering prepared a three course meal for the women and decorated the church with candlelight and flowers. Each woman was escorted to her seat, received a gift bag with inspiring messages and watched a video that told them how beautiful they are and how much God loves them.

Reprinted below is a moving blog written by one of the stylists who donated her time and talents to the event. Read her account first, and then watch the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kFLSjkGZFA

In the video, you’ll see some of these beautiful people having portrait photographs taken. Pastor Carrie invites everyone who can to donate so that copies of the photos can be given to each woman. Donations can be sent to: The United Methodist Gathering, PO Box 30, Middletown, OH 45044.

A final note – The Gathering operates on boundless love, unbridled hope, and the sacrificial generosity of others. (Also see our June 13 blog, “Where Jesus Goes to Worship.”) Those they serve have no money, yet they give all they can. That weekly giving averages under $1 per person. You may never be in Middletown, Ohio, but you can make a difference there with your donations. http://umgathering.org/

Reflections from a hair stylist who donated her time at Saturday’s “Ladies Night Out” event at The Gathering.

I want to preface this blog by saying that I am writing from my conviction, emotions and experience. In addition, I will be changing the names of most of the individuals I will be speaking of to keep their privacy.

“Can I tell you something?” At this point, after doing hair and make up for multiple women most of which are drug addicts, single mothers, prostitutes, living in the projects etc, I was beyond emotionally exhausted and humbled when Molly asked me this as I was applying make up to her beautiful face. Molly was a very naturally beautiful woman who amazingly enough had kept her youth through a hard life, living in section 8 housing as a single mother of multiple children, going from job to job to make ends meet, but eventually resigned to her fate as living under the government’s hand along with help from her church, The Gathering.

“What?” I asked a little nervous of what else I might hear as I had shed tears and listened to many painful stories from the broken, hurting, fragile women who sat in my chair. “My teeth are fake…” as she smiled as big as she could to show her bright dentures as if she had won the lottery. “I just got them. It’s the first time I can smile without being made fun of because I didn’t have good teeth and they rotted out.” The glow of her smile was contagious. As a tear of joy dripped to my chin, I smiled with her and said, “That is so awesome. What a gift. Hallelujah.

Molly’s story was almost a break from what I had been hearing most of the evening. The room I was in smelled of stale cigarettes and body odor from the inability or lack of fortitude to bathe in God knows how long masked by cheap cologne. If you looked around however, you saw smiles from most of the participants as they got a break from worry of their children’s care for the evening, wondering how they would put a meal on the table, and the enjoyment of being pampered. Every woman received a free gown, hair and makeup service, photographs of them and their loved ones, a meal served to them, a drug and alcohol free environment to commune and feel safe for one evening. To most of them, it was a gift.

My heart broke for these women. I was in the best position I could have been to care for them, if even for a short time, as I was in such close proximity to them. I got to caress their cheeks as they would look down in shame to tell me they lost custody of their children for whatever reason. Instead of looking at their broken skin from needle marks or rotted teeth from drug use, I had the privilege of looking them in the eye to give them respect they do not normally experience and genuinely tell them how beautiful they are. There were times I would have to gather myself so not to burst into tears, but as I am human, I couldn’t help but cry with them at times. They live these lives every day and this is their truth. They speak of their struggles as if there is no way out or perhaps another way to live, but inside I am grieving as I know there is so much more to offer.

After all the women were dressed, my girlfriend Jeri painstakingly went out of her way to ensure they had a good meal and a presentation that reflected that in her own life and how God has worked. At one point in time, Jeri asked the women in the room to give her examples of what was said to them as they grew up and developed their self image. I heard phrases such as, “I was beaten!”, “I was told I was stupid!”, “I was sexually abused”, “I was cussed at” come from the crowd. It didn’t take long to understand that this horrible behavior these women called out wasn’t the exception, it was the norm. I would say close to all of them had been treated horribly, lived in poverty, experienced rape, abuse, and lived lives most can’t even fathom in the community I now live. It is no wonder many of these women now find themselves in the positions they are in. They are denied love and treated worse than animals, then harshly criticized for making poor decisions and living as they do. I’m not so naive to not acknowledge their trespasses and sometimes malicious behavior, but that is not what I’m here to write about. As I have experienced many of what these women have in their lifetimes, an abundance of grace as been bestowed on me to live in the capacity that I do. Who am I to point a finger when some of my actions have been no better than theirs?

I am very moved by the entire experience; however one woman stands out among the crowd that I will write about. As I don’t have all the details correct, I will write what I generally know regarding her story. Holly sat in my chair and of the women that I met, had a joy and peace about her that I couldn’t wrap my mind around. As I heard her story, I thought in my mind that she either is medicated, or not completely with it, but am certain it is a power beyond my comprehension that gives her reconciliation.

Holly has three children that currently live with her in a one bedroom apartment. She has worked many jobs trying to make ends meet but struggles to keep up. But Holly has another piece to the puzzle of her life that makes it so much more painfully complex, her 4 year old daughter is dying of brain cancer. I listened to Holly as she told me the challenges of living in poverty, working jobs, trying to care for her children, making hospital visits, or even purchasing laundry detergent as her daughter is constantly ill from her treatments. In all of my efforts to keep it together, I couldn’t, and I cried… a lot, in front of her. I hugged her as she, so calm, hugged me back. She explained that she had been dealing with this for so long, it has been hard to keep friendships, jobs, boyfriends, etc., because of her situation. She also let me know her daughter is now to the point of pain management because the end is near. So there is a twist to this story… Holly has another child/children in foster care because she could not afford to care for all of her children. Because of this, she has to have a job to pay the state for supplementing her children’s care. Because of her 4 year old's care and treatments, she was recently let go of her job and living in a community with a failing economy, is left unemployed with very little job prospects. As a consequence of her unemployment she will have to go to jail if no employment is found by Nov 4th, leaving her children, including her daughter who has a very limited time here on earth, in foster care… there are no words…only tears…

I quickly told Holly that if this happened to call me and I would help her however I could, including caring for her daughter if no one else could. Please pray for this woman, and all the women, their entire situations and all that it implies.

So here is my shameless plug for this community. The organization that put this on for these women and SO MUCH MORE, is called “The Gathering”. Everything they do, they manage on $1,000 a month. Chump change it seems compared to all that most I know have. As we are all tightening our pocket books and have families, churches and other organizations to care for, if somehow you are able to volunteer or give to such a tiny institution that gives so much, please let me know. Contact me in any way and I would be HAPPY to relay the message

Thank you for reading this not so fun blog. I know it was heavy. I wish I could see these women again sooner than later. They have made their mark in my life, and I pray through my words, they will make their mark on yours.