No More Awkward Silence in the Sanctuary!

by Reba Collins

In the past three years that I’ve visited churches around the country, I’ve been drowned in coffee, probed for details about my religious history, and invited to join a family for dinner at their home within five minutes of meeting them!
 

On the other end of that hospitality spectrum, I’ve also been flat-out ignored, felt like an intruder in private conversations, left to sit alone in empty sections, and left equally isolated sitting between people who occasionally talked to each other around me! 

A-W-K-W-A-R-D 

Church searchers expect churches to be full of friendly people. Church leaders should expect their members to be friendly toward church searchers, too. And since this IS “church,” expectations run high on both sides. So what is the protocol for friendliness when two complete strangers sit beside each other? Who makes the first move? Are introductions necessary? What details are off limits on a first encounter? How do you find common ground? Or is it better to pretend you’re fully engrossed in all of the fascinating information in the worship bulletin, and hope someone else fills the friendliness void?

R-E-A-L-L-Y   A-W-K-W-A-R-D

The bottom line is that church searchers might not find your church as friendly as it advertises because your people simply aren’t very friendly in their pews. 

Chances are their perceived “unfriendliness” is caused by not feeling equipped to talk with strangers. For example, your newer members might think they don’t know enough about the church to answer most visitor questions. You can increase their confidence to engage on a friendly basis by using the strategies in our Training Your Church for Visitors blog. 

Often, too, I see well-intended members not wanting to put a visitor in an uncomfortable spot be labeling them as a – you know, “visitor.” Luckily you can cover that one, too. Your front-line team will feel much more at ease breaking the ice when visitors enter the building by remembering the advice in our blog, The Only Question to Ever Ask a Church Visitor. 

So the only thing left as a barrier is what to say after your members make the first move – and they should – with a warm, friendly, “Hi, my name is ______.” 

Your members can ease their own anxiety with this single question that leaves room for both the visitor and the member to engage at a mutually comfortable level:  

“Have you been here before?”

Your visitor now feels acknowledged but in control of the conversation’s direction. Your member can anticipate one of two answers and guide the conversation toward the same conclusion. The responses to this question are always “Yes” or “No.” Neither answer, though, ends the conversation because, typically, a visitor will add context to their response, such as:

• “Yes, I’ve visited a couple of times.” 
• “Yes, I visit when I’m in town.”
• “Yes, I’ve come to see my grandkids sing.”
• “No, I’m just visiting churches in the area.”
• “No, I’m new to the area and thought I’d check you out.”
• “No, I volunteered with some people from here last Saturday.”
• “No, I’m here to support my friend who’s playing music today.” 

So, is there an appropriate response that leaves a visitor feeling like they’ve had a friendly exchange with a complete stranger? Absolutely. 

Members can follow either a “Yes” or “No” response with, “We’re glad you are here. Enjoy your visit.” When both parties comfortably engage, members can even add, “Let me know if I can help you in any way.” 

Depending on the context for the visit, the conversation might lead to other topics, but the context for either response doesn’t mean it’s full-on new member recruitment time. This is simply an opportunity to make visitors feel appreciated for their presence, so they will want to keep coming back.

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Next Week – Overcoming those Awkward Introductions

A culture of hospitality extends beyond the front door into the worship space. Church searchers gauge a church’s genuine friendliness based on their interactions with people before, during, and after the worship experiences. Our next blog helps you help your members eliminate the awkwardness from the meet and greet time in worship.