Overcoming those Awkward Introductions

by Reba Collins

Man, I hope we aren’t asked to “pass the peace” today. With all the sickness going around, might as well call it “pass your violent germs my way.” I don’t need to get sick again. Plus, I’m not even sure why churches do that other than to force me to say “Hello” to people I don’t even know. Even then, it doesn’t seem very genuine because they all find people they do know and ignore me in the end. 

From visiting all different kinds of churches I’m always mindful of our unique custom that magnifies the “awkward silence” problem in church. It’s that time when the worship leader says, “Now everyone stand up, find someone you don’t know, introduce yourself, and pass them God’s peace.”

Not only is this awkward for visitors, but it’s awkward for regular attenders too. Often, when the congregation is asked to meet someone they don’t know, I test their friendliness by purposefully not introducing myself first. After all, I know I’m a visitor, and if the congregation is small enough, I know that they know that I’m a visitor. Large or small, though, most of the time, no one volunteers their name first. On rare occasions, someone will acknowledge that they hadn’t met me, ask me a question, or seek some common ground – like the weather! I figure I’m lucky if I get a smile and a perfunctory, “Good Morning,” from at least the people seated immediately around me.

In this well-intentioned “meet and greet” custom to appear friendly and welcoming, many churches end up putting their folks in awkward situations. Unfortunately, to a church searcher, the entire experience ends up being anything but friendly. 

It doesn’t have to be that way. Here are three simple ways to put both regulars and visitors at ease and to open up effective opportunities for conversation and connection during the meet and greet:

1.       Set the stage. The “meet and greet” has become so standard that many worship leaders assume everyone knows its intent. But most people really don’t get it – at least from my experiences. Every week, the pastor or worship leader should set the stage with a specific explanation such as: “If you are a visitor this morning, we are now going to take three minutes to have everyone meet someone new. This is how we welcome one another in fellowship. For all of you who have been coming here awhile, introduce yourselves first.”

2.       Make it fun. To put everyone at ease with social etiquette, find a funny way for people to greet one another. If it’s cold and flu season, let me people off the hook for shaking hands. Tell them to rub elbows, pinky wave, or fist pump instead.  Get people moving by asking them to take exactly 10 steps away from their seats to find someone new, or to meet their counterparts three rows back.

3.       Give them something to talk about. The most awkward time of the meet and greet is after the initial “Hello.” Give the participants a topic. Say something like, “When introducing yourself, tell your new friend where you grew up.” Other common ground topics include: number of siblings, favorite hobby, last movie watched, favorite color, number of years living in area, or favorite vacation spot. Don’t give them “churchy” topics – keep it light and comfortable for everyone.

The best visitor “meet and greets” are enhanced by casual conversation with pew partners before the service begins. Read our blog, No More Awkward Silence in the Sanctuary, to help your members eliminate the awkwardness, and to set the stage for more genuine introductions during this important time.  

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NEXT WEEK – 3 Questions You Don’t Ever Ask a Church Visitor

Helping your church folks find their sweet spot of hospitality is a tough target to hit for many churches. Churches that hit the mark with visitors are those that make meeting strangers as natural and comfortable as going to church with good friends. But a good visitor experience can derail just as easily when the visitor is going out the doors as when the visitor is coming through the doors.

Our next blog in this church hospitality series offers three questions you don’t want your members to ask a visitor -- EVER.