3 Questions to NEVER Ask a Church Visitor

by William Cowles

Over the past few weeks, we’ve blogged on several essential things church leaders can do to create a culture of hospitality with their members, and to make everyone equal and active participants in this all-important ministry.

After all, church searchers expect more than what they can get sitting beside someone at the movies. They expect more than a welcoming greeter or a gregarious volunteer. At the very least, they expect as much of a connection as they can get from a friendly fellow traveler on a two-hour flight. The bottom line is: Whether or not a church searcher returns depends a great deal on their encounters with the other people in the pews.

Chances are your members will have to answer more questions than they have to ask at the end of a visitor’s experience. Church searchers have a lot they want to know about what your faith family believes and how you behave. If they’ve been using our resources, they’ll have some very good and pointed questions to ask you – so, be prepared! For example, check out these Six Must-Ask First Visit Questions for church searchers to help you get a great head start on preparing your congregation for your inquisitive guests.

But, there’s a last piece to the puzzle – what do you say beyond “Goodbye?” How does a member help a visitor leave feeling genuinely welcomed, engaged, accepted, connected, and invited back? Well, sometimes, the secret is not in what you say, but in what you don’t say. There are, in fact, a few questions that you should NEVER ask a church visitor.

For example, these three questions are pretty aggressive and a typical church searcher would find them to be just too pushy for a first encounter:

1.       Have you been saved (or, Are you born again)? How much more intimidating could you be? Unchurched searchers will either have no idea what you mean, or will be so terrified of giving a wrong answer that they’ll run screaming from you! And, who could blame them? If they say, “Yes,” they run the risk of being swallowed up into some unknown frenzy of religious ritualism. If they say, “No,” they run the greater risk of being shunned. So, what’s left – “I don’t know?” Don’t go there.

2.       Would you like us to pray for you? Yes, we know that’s what churches do – and should do – but to an inexperienced visitor, that sounds as though you believe they’ve got some kind of horrible affliction that needs heavenly intervention. Most people want to be prayed for, but few want to be perceived by a stranger as needing prayer.

3.       Are you coming back? Don’t put them on the spot like that! They probably haven’t yet decided if their experience warrants a second visit, so don’t push them too hard. By all means express your desire to see them again – “I hope you’ll come back and see us again.” If the visitor’s experience has been good, and the invitation is sincere, you’ll never have to ask this question.

So, if those kinds of questions are off limits, what’s left to talk about? A lot, really. In next Thursday’s blog, How to Open Opportunities with Closing Conversations, Reba Collins suggests several great ways to close the hospitality loop on a high note, sending your visitors out with as much care as they got when you received them.