Assert Yourself to Get Results!

The 7 Secrets of Church Communication that Works           

Assert Yourself to Get Results!

by William Cowles and Reba Collins

Does your church have trouble getting volunteers, pledges, or participants? Most do. Many think the problem lies in congregational apathy or inertia when, in fact, your church’s results may be because you begin with the wrong style of communication. 

Churches typically communicate their needs in one of three ways – passively, aggressively, or assertively. But few take the time to consider what they are really saying based on their style of communication. Here are the kinds of words and phrases that characterize each style:

• If you want to…                     Passive – You admit that your request is not that important.
• You must or (else)…             Aggressive – You threaten them with negative consequences.
• When you choose to…         Assertive – You expect that they and others will participate.

The bottom lines here are pretty straightforward. Passive language is too nice and too polite and too easy to ignore. Aggressive language is rude and in-your-face and really easy to reject. Assertive language is clear and specific about your expectations of what you want for them as well as what you want from them.

The most effective church communicators know these style differences and how to apply them. Are you using the wrong style of communication and don’t even know it? What do your results say? 

Following is a Communication Styles Tool to help you develop better comparisons among passive, aggressive, and assertive communication styles. In it are four specific examples of each communication style for common requests to: join in worship, engage further, volunteer in ministry, and engage in mission outreach. A fifth section helps position those messages and their expected results. (A printable version of this tool is available on our Website.)

So, go ahead and assert your church’s communications with clarity and confidence, and you’ll get the results you want.

(You’ll get a lot more helpful perspective on how to be more effective from the other blogs in this series here and from my blog on Quit Using the “If” Word in Church!)

Communication Styles Tool

Knowing which communication style to use and learning how to use it can be the difference between never begging for volunteers and taking ministry to the next level. It can mean meeting budgets based on a single stewardship campaign or multiple ministry fundraisers. It’s that important.

Below are examples of the main types of communication styles – passive, aggressive, and assertive – that church leaders use every day.  The most effective ministry leaders know these style differences and how to apply them. Use this tool to help you develop a better comparison among passive, aggressive, and assertive communication styles. 

Consider which of these styles would prompt you to a positive response:

Communication Style Comparisons
Passive…	Aggressive…	Assertive…
Participating in Worship…	Participating in Worship…	Participating in Worship…
If you’re looking for a place you might like to worship on Sunday….	Save your soul this Sunday, attend our church!	When you’re deciding which Worship service you will attend….
Engaging Further…	Engaging Further…	Engaging Further…
We hope you will go to our Website and get more information. Feel free to call if you have any questions.	Check the “I want to know how to join now” box and a pastor will call to arrange membership.	You have a lot of choices on how and where to engage further with our church, and we will help you through every decision when you call or come in to visit with our staff.
Volunteering in Ministry…	Volunteering in Ministry…	Volunteering in Ministry…
Do you have the time and interest to volunteer in our ministry? If so, please call.	This ministry will have to be cancelled unless you and many others volunteer.	In one hour’s time, you can show a child that God loves him by joining our nursery ministry team.
Participating in Mission Outreach…	Participating in Mission Outreach…	Participating in Mission Outreach…
If you have the time and interest this summer, the church is offering three mission service opportunities. Feel free to call for more information.	We’re short 50 volunteers for the church’s mission commitments this summer, so you must sign up before the end of this month.	You can choose which of our church mission service opportunities you’ll participate in this year – local, national, or global.
Passive Communication Results…	Aggressive Communication Results…	Assertive Communication Results…
Tells people that you don’t really care whether or not they participate. Every. Single. Time. You’re throwing your church ministry out there as an option to consider, but you’ll carry on without them in the meantime. So, when people are not important to your efforts, don’t expect them to make an effort to help you.	Shames, guilts, or frightens people into action. This typically forces them into a negative, resistant, “fight or flight” response – and neither will engage people with a willing heart to help you. When you communicate a “my way or the highway” attitude, most people avoid your appeals and your church.	Lets people know what’s expected of them because you want something for them. It assumes that people will decide in your favor and that you honor their decision with support. When people know that they are needed to make a difference in their own lives and in lives of others, they will get on board better.