Five Telltale Signs a Church is for “Members Only”

by William Cowles

Much like walking into a large social gathering in a strange place, a first church visit experience can be a confusion of sights, sounds, messages, and impressions. The most important thing for you to do is to be open and observant. Look for healthy vital signs in their setting and behavior. Give them a chance to be prepared, welcoming hosts. A healthy church expects you and has done a lot to make you feel welcome, comfortable, and eager to return. Here are some things to look for to see whether or not a second visit needs to be in your future:

1.       The halls are empty. You walk in 15 minutes before a service, and the place is so under populated that you wonder if your time is wrong. But, the parking lot is full. Where is everyone? If you can find someone to ask, you’ll probably hear something like, “Everyone’s in a class (or a group, or a meeting, or at a presentation) – we’re very active here.” Sure, you think, “Behind closed doors.” It's probably a safe guess that they haven’t had anyone visit in so long they haven’t even thought about making space for you. Move on.

2.       The “Welcome Desk” isn’t. I’ve often walked into churches 15 minutes before a service starts and their Visitor Center or Welcome Desk – or whatever you want to call it – is completely empty. Worse yet, the people gathered there appear to be having a private meeting. In one church, I approached the desk while two men, one in front and one in back, talked about making coffee. There was no handout material on the desk, so I waited to be noticed. I wasn’t. They didn’t even look at me. So, I walked around to the back of the desk, found a few flyers, helped myself and walked away. If you go unnoticed, ungreeted, and unwelcomed, take that as a sure invitation to go visit somewhere else.

3.       The announcements go on forever. The fact that they even use worship time to deliver ALL the announcements is a sign that they’re pretty clubby. Like a long-winded, insider-laden toast, it’s a snoozer if you’re not in on that action! Listing all their events, meetings, and activities shows little consideration for those of you who are not “in the know” on all of the wonderful things they’re doing in ministry and mission – for themselves. Find a church that talks to you, not around you and in spite of you.

4.       The pastor and front row are on a first-name basis. You’ve seen it and heard it – the pastor comes out and immediately starts a private conversation with the chosen few who grace the front row seats. They may be official deacons or appointed elders, or they may be just those whose giving, service, or whatever have “earned” them some right to be recognized in the “inner circle.”There may also be mid-message references to things like, “You remember when Clancy went to the mall and….” Do you know Clancy? Do you feel included? Do you feel as though they care you’re there? Take a clue – don’t go back.

5.       Their follow-up is one and done. Most churches – healthy or not – attempt some kind of visitor follow-up. Some will deliver a logo mug, or a gift card, or a potted plant to your home. Most send a form letter or email from a pastor or a layperson with an important-sounding title. And then it stops. You never hear another word, whether or not you return for a second visit. If that’s all they care about you before they know you, can you expect them to care more after you join the club? Don’t bother applying for their entrance exam.

Admittedly, I’ve stretched the examples to some extremes to make the point. Churches have bad days, just as do sports teams, politicians, and families. Whether or not they are really that way, or they just behaved that way one time, really doesn’t matter. You did not have a good experience because it appeared as though they don’t care about you. In your own best interests, keep searching for a faith community that is searching for you.